Here is a dialogue that is as hypothetical as it is real and as often said as it is left unsaid. Take it as you wish...
"You don't love me anymore," said he.
She looked at him long and hard
in what he interpreted to be her calculating gaze.
Finally, she said...
"I cannot lie. Indeed what you say is true.
But I don't hate you, either."
Silence.
"Do you love me?" she asked.
"Yes," he said, too quickly for it to be true.
"Liar!" she snapped.
"If you really loved me you would want to make me happy
and happy is something I am not." He contemplated this for a moment.
"Hmmm," he thought.
"'Happy' is not something I or anyone else can give you.
It is a gift that nobody but you can give yourself.
A state of mind."
He had a point.
As they say in chess - Checkmate!
The examples of happy marriages around me are the exceptions rather than the rule and even the joyful ones aren't perfect. Indeed, there's no such thing as a "perfect" marriage. Since realising this I no longer concern myself that much with dialogues such as the one above. But there's always hope...hope that I'm wrong and that it isn't futile to expect so much more.
Feel free to comment. Anyone's 5 cents worth is welcome.
Click here for a song about a PERFECT GOD-LIKE RELATIONSHIP...
Click here for a song about a PERFECT GOD-LIKE RELATIONSHIP...
5 comments:
it is interesting that your husband is not like your father, neither is mine (unfortunately for me)...they say however that we reproduce in our minds a situation we have been used to since childhood. my husband is a bit like my mother...does your husband reproduce a situation you grew up with?
truth is, before having kids married life was easier. once we had kids, suddenly two became six in the bedroom... his parents and all the things he expected from a family and my parents and everything I had been exposed to suddenly entered the picture. SABOTAGE!
You say marriage is not "hard work" but reading tomes of books and interviewing "happy marrieds" and all the thinking is strenuous. The toughest part for me is the loving someone who is real bit...(you know, someone who burps, farts and leaves his wet towel on the freshly made bed)...
I find that the happily married people I know are totally unrealistic. But you are right - they CHOOSE not to see the towel, hear the ugly noises etc etc). Requires so much imagination, don't you think?
PS You are so lucky to have a POOL! Does it come with a pool boy? ;) (joking)
Hi Mary, Any "good" marriage has a lot of dents. Lots of forgiveness, not judging, just being. I struggled with forgiveness, but I realized that I couldn't give anything worthy without it. I was too busy protecting myself, hurting more people than I realized. I got over it and been married to Dave for 31 years and still having a good time. It's a choice. Sandy:O)
Interesting thought - I'd have to say that my husband is to some degree a melding of my 3 brothers. If I had married younger, I think I probably would have ended up with someone more like my father. My sister married young and found a very similar man - controlling, mentally and verbally abusive, just wrapped up in a much more modern package than my father.
Just for the record, I love my father very much, but I have had to accept him for the way he is, imperfect and flawed and I suppose a product of his own very crazy Italian family that was driven by a ultra controlling mother who used heavily-laden guilt and extreme temper tantrums to get her 14 children to behave the way she wanted them to, even to picking their mates for them, their jobs for them, etc. It's no wonder my father is a mysogynist.
P.S. LOL at the pool boy remark! :D
I am only commenting to let you know that I have read this and I think it is good that you are asking the questions. I also agree with Ro ~ I do think that it is a daily choice. She posted a thoughtful response. Since I have had no success with relationships, I don't have any good answers.
This happens with my girlfriend sometimes.. We've this system of acceptance however so if one of us has no mood to talk or listen, we just let it be. A few weeks back college got over and now we're both at our respective homes and long distance is so difficult.. !!!
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