cancer last January and June I felt a large chunk of me vanish with them. My dearest, closest friends of the last decade disappeared so quickly. I promised not to let their deaths be for naught and that I would always carry a part of them with me forever alive.
Promises aside, the only life-changing impact of the death of these two very special and important women has been my loss of spirit. There’s nothing like a loved one’s death to make you view your own mortality and nakedness and realise that each and every moment must count.
Late at night when I can’t sleep, I have imaginary conversations with them woven and replayed from actual discussions we once had. Alexandra still says: “I choose to be happy! It’s a choice you know. Just make the decision and be happy!” And I protest as I always have.
She’s right. Here I am complaining when I have two truly amazing children, a devoted and smart husband, loving parents, cushy job, friends knocking down my door and a blog with one follower.
The only good news for such a lost case as the hypothetical supermarket example is that some day the fate of the check-out chic and her sex-starved husband will be the same as that of Vivi, Alexandra and myself. At the end we all die and turn to dust. Not even the fake words are left.
Do we really deserve this?
We had taken what you gave
Before your soul broke free.
And yet my darling one,
Our tears will someday dry.
And ants will rush under the sun
Until we, too, shall die.