Thursday, November 11, 2010



Do we miss you?

At first it felt like numbness, followed by a poetic type of sadness as I frantically sought you in Ekhart Tolle books and Freud. And bit by bit, life went on. I even made new friends - Saturday Morning Friends as part of my "this is how I keep alive" routine...Many times, when I'm with these "friends", I resent them a little for not being YOU and Alexandra.

Oh, it's not their fault. It's just me being elusive...not quite ready to let new people into my heart. Wanting to prove that our friendship was strong enough to withstand your absence.

Trying to keep you alive by bothering you with my thoughts, chatting with you in the dialogues of my mind, conjuring you in my dreams, prodding you to be a middle person between me and God when I pray is not exactly letting you Rest In Peace like you're supposed to. But, regardless of the meditation tapes and energy channeling, you never really did like peace very much, did you? Isn't that why you married the saxophonist?

I hope there's lots of music where you are. And booze, too! Have fun with Alexandra tonight. I'll be with you soon, darlings. Maybe I'm just as much already there as you are here.

Love you, babe.



Sharon said...

Beautiful. No words from me suffice...

Colleen said...

Beautiful post. Happy birthday to your beautiful friend. May she rest in peace and happy in the knowledge she is so cherished and remembered here by so many.
Take care.

Veronica Lee said...

That was so beautiful, PC. Happy Birthday to your pallie. May she rest in peace.


Sandy, Sisters of Season said...

Hi Mary, You have some beautiful memories of your friend. Her spirit is more alive than you realize and she feels all that love that you are showing her . . God Bless, Sandy:O)

Martha Ruth said...

Your letters have been lovely and thought provoking and this one is no exception. What a beautiful tribute to someone who obviously still has such a big piece of your heart. (and I'm sure she always will) Friends like that don't come along often in a lifetime.

The video really brought me back too. That was the year my oldest was born and I listened to it a lot. Thanks for the trip back in time.

Keep up the great letter writing! I hope you have a super weekend.

Robin said...

I didn't read this until today. If she talks to you in dreams I would listen. I would even start writing it down. But, that is me. You do know that as long as you remember her she lives on. Her spirit, her thoughts, her ideas, her desires, what she would have contributed all are still possible through you. You are the gatekeeper. And in a bizarre way, you will pass her and Alexandra to your own children. They may not know it, but you will share they are so much a part of you, that it will just happen. And it is good. It is this kinetic thing we call life. Energy. Matter. And it is how no one ever really dies.