Saturday, May 15, 2010


My baby turns 6 today and I thought I'd write her this letter that she'll never read... It's addressed to her, but is really for me. (I have a whole stack of 'em!)

Dear Z,

With an air of certainty, you say that you specifically asked God to send you to me when it was time for you to be born. Other times you ask: "If you had to pick a child as your own from a group of children, would you pick me?"

Without a moment's hesitation, faster than the blink of an eye, I say, "Yes!"

"And what if I was in the toilet while you were picking? Would you know to wait?"

Again it's a resounding "Yes!". It's always been "yes" with you Z, even though I'm told that an occasional "no" would be appropriate. But I prefer to listen to my heart, so how can I refuse you?

I guess you set it up that way as part of your negotiation with God during the mother-picking stage, arranging it so that I would never be able to take you for granted.

"Yes," I knew I'd have you even when they said that I had to spend most of my pregnancy bed-ridden. So I gorged down Duvadillan and tried not to move.

"Yes," I insisted on keeping you even though tests indicated Down Syndrome. I even remember writing you a letter, pledging that no test would ever influence my love for you. A letter addressed to you, but for me.

"Yes," I said, even when Daddy said "no" and with that one sweeping syllable amputated a part of our relationship. But he came through in the end, as daddy always does. And now you've got us all wrapped around your little finger.

And you were born perfect because you, too, said "yes" to life itself. That's why we called you Zoe - the Greek word for LIFE. It's a name you earnt.

Love you always,

PS The party was great with lots of cake, music, balloons and the pitter-patter of little feet...


lilbuttercup said...

What a lovely, honest, touching post. I hope she had a wonderful birthday and many more to come. :-)

Sandy, Sisters of Season said...

Happy Birthday Zoe! How lucky you are to have such a good Momma!

Hi Mary, one year for Valentine's Day, I wrote a love letter to each one of my kids, they have never forgotten it . . those are great memories for kids . . Happy weekend!
Sandy :O)

thisamericantourist said...

I had to smile when I read this. A few years ago, my mother handed me a stack of letters she had written to me when I was too young to read them. I hope you hold on to these - they may be written for you now, but when she's old enough to understand, she'll treasure them forever.

Ro Magnolia said...

What an absolutely brilliant letter. I hope your daughter gets to read it someday - but I suppose she reads it daily, in your eyes, and in the way you love and care for her. Sounds like a kid with an extra dose of confidence! :)

Purple Cow said...

Lilbuttercup - The birthday was great and I'm still finding little diamonds and glitter everywhere from the craft activity.

Sandy - I don't think I'm so crash hot as a Momma...Still, thanks for the compliment cause I think you are a gem of a mum.

American tourist - Don't think her daddy will want her to have this one. Do you really treasure those letters or do they just bore you? I did give her one once when she went to a scouting camp...I regretted it afterwards though because having this letter telling her how much I loved her made it hard for her to adjust. (Made me feel kind of stupid to have sabotaged her like that!)

Ro - I first started writing to my daughters when I was pregnant to the first - she is 10 and in 1999 there were NATO raids in Serbia...we should keep those letters as historic documents. I've written about earthquakes etc. (That was in my pre-blogging I just write to you guys and the world at large)...but yes, I hope my kids don't need letters to let them know how much I care about them. Though sometimes in totally misguided ways.

Judy said...

That's a sweet thing to do...

Sharon said...

This little girl is so very lucky to have you. And, your fearless love letter to her shows how lucky you are to have her. Thank you for sharing this.

Robin said...

I am sorry this is so short, but I am on vacation and there is no internet and I am stuck at McDonald's & on a short leash. But this was lovely. I hope that you type it on real paper and give it to her someday to read when she is older.

As for your comment on your video footage, it is from the TV series that is currently on called BROTHERS & SISTERS. Glad you liked it and "got it."

Phoenix said...

Beautiful letter :) I hope one day you let her read these...they are too loving and kind and thoughtful NOT to share with your precious little girl.

Purple Cow said...

Who knows, maybe some day...still, you don't need letters when you have every day as another opportunity to get to know each other better... But I think when the time comes she'll just wanna write her own letters, her own story, rather than read my faded emotions.

Take care guys!